Reflections

So it's been a(nother) while... Module 2 - Foundations in reflective theology is well under way and I'm enjoying it. To go back a little bit, though, to the meeting with my course director... It happened (eventually, after loads of other people grabbed her for 'a quick word') at the end of a really good evening session run for the whole course to introduce our new module. She asked if I was ok. I gave her a potted history of the last seven or so months which began just before my interview for this course - sudden death of friend, breakdown of husband, loss of husband's job, increase in my hours, missing the girls, missing *out* on the girls, not having a minute to myself, unable to have breakdown because husband having one... But at the same time loving this course (just struggling to find study time). She was awesome. She got me in a way I don't think I had got me, to be honest. So we came up with this plan: suspend from module one (and submit assignments in the summer); continue to modules two and three (using my lovely day off in the week that will come from my new job! Hurray!) So, module 2 is underway, with two new members to our group and friendships really growing amongst us. Prayer time tonight was fab! Reflection in theology is different to nursing, but I think once I have my head round it (I really like the textbook we're using) it will actually be much more 'me' :-) Tonight I was able to share about a time when I had been chatting to a patient - obviously not admit spiritual matters, as I can only do that if they initiate such a conversation - and they spoke about a chaplain that my hubby and in had met during the immediate period after our friend's death. The chaplain had really helped him and, although in couldn't talk God too much with him, it was amazing to think of the the jigsaw pieces God was putting in place with him... Outside of the course (but a big improvement for me in terms of getting back to doing my normal stuff) I am reading The Five Love Languages of Children, which I can so far highly recommend. I feel very bad about how impatient and cross I can get with the girls these days (usually fuelled by anxiety and sheer exhaustion) but it's helping me to realise that all the changes that have happened to us as a family have affected Cupcake's moods, Cookie's sleep... So I'm trying to understand their primary love languages (Cookie's are definitely physical touch and words of affirmation; not certain about Cupcake yet but I think receiving gifts and quality time might be at the top of the list) so that I can refill their emotional tanks. It's very American but it's good. I'm also reading Stop dietimg-start living, which so far has shown me some of the reasons behind my emotional eating so that rather than just knowing I overeay emotionally, I can try to tackle some of those reasons and start to make changes. I know this hasn't just been about the course, but other bits of life are getting more normal again, which feels important to share. My course director said that after huge (unplanned) change, her brain was mush for about a year. It's still time to be kind to myself.