Working arrangement.

Today I met with my course director and rector. We had a really good chat and it turned out that there are more than me struggling with the work load of this course. It was reassuring to hear, as I had been thinking over the last weekend, as I was trying to make sense of all the reading I've done, that I might have bitten off more than i can chew... In the induction, they said the course is designed to be manageable for people who work full time... I'm not sure it's manageable if you work full time *and* have two children :-( It was reassuring to know that the diocese had not envisaged it being this heavy, and that future modules should not be so. But I just have to get through this one... I am determined and I have always worked well to deadlines so i will just plough on... I submitted my draft and received good, constructive feedback, although I am very confused about all these other exegetical methods out there as I can't seem to identify them! Apparently I will go "on placement" over Easter! This came as a bit of a shock... What about the holy week prayer mosaic?! What about the Good Friday family event and lunch?! My Rector says it is time to prepare emotionally and spiritually that I will not spend Easter in our church this year... On a slightly different, but very hopeful note, I also had a really positive visit to a prospective new job... It would allow me a day and a half a week to myself again, and involve far fewer hours driving to and from work.

Spiritual director again.

This week I met again with my SD and told her about the passage I have chosen for my assignment. James 2:14-26. I have always loved the book of James for its frankly brutal honesty! Although obviously faith in and a relationship with Jesus are the *most* important things, as a nurse (we have to reflect on everything!) I'm very big on "so what?!" What does this faith DO?! I was therefore a little concerned to realise that James's teaching is basically considered to be completely at odds with that of Paul, who we have discussed in all of our group discussions so far... In any case, my SD enjoyed talking through my thoughts so far and offered me the suggestion that she really likes to take something tangible away from a sermon. We had written prayer squares in a service I had led in the summer, and she had found that really useful. It got me thinking about the second part of the assignment, which is a presentation of my exegesis.

Session three: Luke

In this session I learned what 'midrash' means. It refers to rabbinic literature/commentaries on the Hebrew scriptures: basically it explains the "rules". We also looked at Gematria, which blew my mind a bit and is seemingly a code derived as part of biblical analysis by some incredible clever and deep people... What was interesting is that the number 14 in this code is deemed to be significant as it means 'kingship', 'David', 'gold' (these were the different answers we had all found); all words pointing to the line of David. The genealogies set out in Luke's gospel are all in lines of 14... I like Luke. He was a physician and wrote a great, logical and detailed history. It makes sense to me :-)

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander...

My Reader Ministry course officially started some time in September with an induction. I was so excited as I drove from work up to Chesterfield, via a nice quiet half hour to myself for some tea at Sainsbury’s in Ripley. I love to learn. And I love to discover, and to share. Starting my Reader training is the result of a couple of years’ yearning and discerning…mixed in with all the other busy, family and work stuff. I had heard an audible call in 2003 to become a nurse. It was a call that surprised me, seemingly, more than it did other people, and I still know it is my calling. But in 2015, after the death of my Great Uncle Albert, who had been a great spiritual inspiration to me all my life, I began to talk to God and hear from him about a new calling…a new song he wanted to put in my mouth. I had been developing a ministry of a sort in my church for a while… suggesting worship songs, leading a women’s bible study group, developing new friendships and working with the young children (although this is definitely not my primary are of gifting!). I spoke to Stephen (Rector) and Geraldine (DDVO) about Calling, and realised that it was either ordained or not ordained. I had thought there would be much more choice! In February 2016 I went to the final service of the vicar who married my husband and me, before he retired, in South Wales. I knew from what he said about ministry that I had to obey a call and think seriously about my own ministry. I arrived at my interview for Reader ministry confident that, despite a stressful few weeks - which had begun with a tragedy and culminated in what felt like some huge, upsetting and unplanned life shifts for our family – it was the right time for me to pursue my calling to a ministry that I know will be broad, challenging and fun. (I hate the word ‘rewarding’!) On my way to the interview I thought about Maz, a Police Community Support Officer who fairly recently left our village for a new home. Maz had a huge impact on the community, being a visible and approachable representative for the Police. School children knew her, and knew that they could always approach her if they either wanted or needed to. She would drop in to Church on a Sunday morning when she was on duty; have a coffee and then stand at the back for the first fifteen minutes or so. I felt that I wanted to help our community to see a tangible link between the Church and the rest of the village…to make more links…to have people know they can come to the Church whenever. To be a light in the darkness. A couple of years ago a local young man went missing, and was subsequently found dead. In their grief his family came to the church one night to gather, to play music and light candles, and they asked the Rector to be there with them, to pray. They had no hope, and they came to the church. A light in the darkness. I have now started my training, and attended two study meetings. Difficulties in the logistics of the meetings, and getting back to grips with studying aside, I am becoming clearer about what I want and need from my training. I want to see the purpose of God in my generation… I want people to discover that God loves them and they have an identity and purpose which he has made for them. I want to see people connecting with God, in positive relationships, enjoying worship, being empowered to be brave and passionate people who bring the love of Jesus to their community; and above all I want to see them know the acceptance of God. My ministry will involve, as well as preaching and leading worship, engaging with and involving families in the life of the church (such as in our Christmas and Easter family events in the last year, but also at the school gate and at home); outreach, especially to those families, perhaps in preparing for Baptism; children’s work (although I don’t feel I am particularly gifted in this area, but committed to it due to my own young children); involvement in the prayer life of the church; PCC.

Spiritual director.

When I was accepted on to my training, it was with the agreement that i would seek support from a Spiritual Director to help me with my work-life balance. I chose someone whom I didn't know well, but whom I knew would be very committed and honest with me. When we met for the first time, we agreed that she would pray for me regularly and help me keep hold of my own identity: not a small task as I often feel there isn't much of that at the moment!! She knew the pain and struggles we had been through as a family 're gently and was willing to catch up with me regularly, but also takes an interest in the girls and my hubby. I also sought the help of a long-time friend who has been iinspirational and supportive in my faith for nearly twenty years, but who is in a very similar situation to me in terms of family,career and calling. She made the decision to contact me by text message every Monday and Thursday - it fits her schedule but coincidentally those are the two days I used to have off work...the days I grieved for for weeks after I started back full time... She reads this blog too, and shares parts of her own life and struggles. Both relationships have grown and been blessed in the last few months.